Her solo sessions are different from yours in a lot of ways. Learn the ins and outs of it
Your recipe for masturbation is pretty simple: A bottle of lube, a browser tab open to Xtube, and a five-finger grip deliver results in no time flat. But female masturbation is a bit more complicated.
They can’t do it wherever they want, they don’t always care about reaching orgasm, and they definitely aren’t flipping through Fifty Shades as much as you’d imagine. So what happens behind closed doors? Read on to discover the secrets of female masturbation.
But she might be a lot faster going solo than she is with you in the sack. That could be because she’s more focused on her own pleasure (instead of yours) or because she knows exactly what she wants. “Many women can be there in 2 to 3 minutes on their own, but will take 10 or more—or can’t get there at all—with a partner,” says sex expert Carlyle Jansen, author of Sex Yourself, a book about women’s masturbation.
How come? She might see self-pleasure as more of a production, not just a quick rub-and-go activity. It could also be because of the stigma associated with female masturbation, which can follow many women into adulthood. “Most boys begin before they’re 10,” says Jansen, while “women start later, often in their 20s.”
“Think about if you had an eyelash in your eye and you were trying to rub it out,” says Allison. “You’d pull your eyelid back and gently use your fingertip to rub around. That’s how soft you should touch a woman’s clitoris. Yes, that soft.”
The clitoris has twice as many nerve endings as the head of the penis, so it’s super-sensitive to even the softest touch. Some women like it rougher—and they’ll tell you if they do—but most need to be eased in gently before they can stand too much contact with their clitoris.