Theresa May has declared her latest trip to EU headquarters a brilliant success as she was now able to distribute heavily discounted confectionery, strong flavorful beers and lovely little statuettes of the Manneken Pis.

In the short visit to Brussels, the Prime Minister impressed her entourage with her hard bargaining skills and steadfast approach to deal-making, as explained Simon Williams, a Young Conservative who had joined the trip.

“She is such a canny shopper! She saw us looking at the beers in the train station shop. But she’d spotted a large supermarket in the outskirts from the Eurostar. She got the driver to take us there and the beers were a third of the price than in those posh shops in the town centre.

“And even in the expensive areas she showed us what real negotiating is about. She entered Van Houtens chocolate shop, walked up to the shopkeeper and simply asked for a 50% discount. Bold as brass!

what I want now is more homeless on our streets, more job losses, dismantled NHS, broken families, broken marriages more HATE (less love)…you get the idea..less seats on trains for more money,benefit refusals, a crime wave in the capital…for this to be a success for my paymaster……code name ‘Satan’

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